Red Star Bassaleg in thriller in Bellend Conference opener

My Pro Elves vs Alun's Norse. Alun's a great player, very experienced with Woodies and Norse, although I have the edge over him having won 3 of our last 4 meetings, including a 4-0 and 5-0.

It's 2-1 to Red Star, turn 7 of the second half. I have just had my 7th go and now it's his. What follows is Rimmer-esque in style but it is the biggest crazy bullsh1t move I have seen in a long time, if not ever.

So, he blitzes and knocks down my catcher who is about to score. His thrower performs the following sequence:

a/ go for it
b/ pick up the ball (no sure hands)
c/ declare long bomb - because of the sun, the pass will succeed on a 6 but a score of 1-4 is a fumble
d/ my lineman fails to intercept (5+)
e/ after a reroll, he gets a 5+ for the pass; inaccurate
f/ the ball scatters...it scatters....it lands on his feckin' runner
g/ needing a 4+ to catch, he rolls it

He'd intercepted with a werewolf early in the first half and scored against the run of play, injuring a player on the way for 7SPP's in one go. Final score 2-2. Jammy git.

W.A.N.C. Conference Draws

Our first WANC regular season match will be against Thor's Mighty Bellend on Thursday, Oct 10th. Top 2 are guaranteed a play-off spot, so it's going to be tough!|

Bellend Conference
South Pontyridd ANC - Dark Elf
Haughty and Naughty - High Elf
Thor's Mighty Bellend - Norse
Red Star Bassaleg - Elf

This is the Group of Death (esp. for Haughty & Naughty) as three coaches have won 5 of the last 6 WANC's (plus 2 runners-up) and 13 conference championships! Can Chris Tempest get anything out of this sh*t storm he finds himself in?

Ass Whoopers Conference
Brecon Hammerers - Dwarf
Pulp Fikshun - Orc
Howling Owls - Human
Ratspike Rovers - Skaven
Reptile Dysfunction - Lizardmen

Brecon Hammerers are the current Ass Whoopers champions and the Howling Owls coach was WANC runner-up last season and won the Ass Whoopers two seasons ago. Pulp Fikshun's coach won the Yam Tarts conference in 2011. These three think that they'll be fighting for the top places but don't discount Ratspike Rovers who raised a few eyebrows with their 4-1 battering of H&N in the FUC Cup.

Workers' Solidarity Conference
Crowley's Pub Team - Human
The Woodpeckers - Wood Elf
Da Mek Boyz - Orc
Pynk Panthers - Dwarf

The Woodpeckers' coach boasts a WANC runner-up and an Ass Whoopers title and Mek Boyz coach has a Bellend title on his mantlepiece.

F.U.C. Preliminary Round

Ratspike Rovers 4 (2) Haughty and Naughty 1 (1)
Casualties 2-0Most impressive performance of the night was Ratspike's demolition of H&N. "Lightning" Steve is the rat to watch (an AG5 Gutter Runner!).

Thor's Mighty Bellend 0 Crowley's Pub Team 2 (1)Casualties 2-3The biggest upset saw former two-time Bellend Conference champions TMB humbled by Crowley's Pub Team.

South Pontyridd ANC 2 (1) The Mek Boys 1 (0)Casualties 0-3
Pyrrhic victory of the night belongs to SPANC who held on for the win but have 3 players out for the next match and will have to replace them with journeymen.

Howling Owls 2 (1) Red Star Bassaleg 3 (1) After Extra Time
Casualties 2-1
Most exciting match of the day saw Red Star Bassaleg quick off the mark pressuring the Owls' on the kick off. The Humans were clearly nervous and formed a decent defensive line to cover butter-fingered thrower, Gunter. With the stadium buzzing, Gunter mishandled the ball allowing Red Star to steal the ball and Che Guevara's quick pass to Marwan Barghouti. On scoring, the crowd went nuts and there was more violence in the stands than on the pitch. A deep kick for the next drive forced the Owls back again, but some daring play by Omslag allowed Chutty to batter his way through to equalise. The second half saw Red Star pin the Owls well into their own half, fearful of the Elves' quick and agile play, not to mention a very exciteable Red Star crown in the other half! Passing the ball ably, Red Star worked the ball to Barghouti once again for the second TD. This was late in the game and the Owls had one shot with no room for errors. A sneaky, swift attack down the right with a fat dollop of jam allowed Seth to scramble a last minute, desperate leveller.

It was the crowd that was the key in extra time. At the kick off, the Red Star fans battered the Owls (6 stunned!) as the ball landed on the scrimmage line. Only one Owl was in range of the ball and, after he fluffed it, Fidel Castro rounded off a superb performance by winning the match! Great game and very open. Red Star had three players advance a level and hired a medical team.

It's W.A.N.C. time! Blood Bowl season returns!

It's the start of the 2013 Welsh Amateur Nuffle Championship (WANC) and I am pleased to announce that I have agreed a one-season contract to coach Red Star Bassaleg, a Pro Elf team in their first crack at the WANC.

We'll have some squad news and build up to the season opener, plus a report from the Firestorm United Conference Cup (FUC Cup) preliminary round in which we will be up against experienced Human team, the Howling Owls.

And here's the squad...

RED STAR BASSALEG

With 1.1m to spend we went for a thrower, both blitzers, 3 catchers and 5 linemen. The miniatures are from Black Scorpion: http://www.blackscorpionminiatures.com/product_info.php?products_id=285&osCsid=50p2nqgkf40escrpfcgabtvam3

I didn't paint gems - far too bourgeois for this team - and wanted the colours to be dull rather than bright, as you might normally see with Elf teams.