A semi-final victory by 2-0 against Liquid Green Stuff (and 7-0 in casualties) pitted Spartak Newport against Bellend Conference champions, South Pontypridd Amateur Nuffle Club. With 7 wins out of 7, the Dark Elves were the top rated team this season so far (inc. 22 TD's in those 7 matches) but were missing star players Pussy Showers and Milky Noakes.
Kicking off, Spartak maintained a disciplined, deep defence and allowed SPANC full run of two thirds of the pitch. Terror Bull Tim, now tentacled, tied up a couple of linelves as the Witch Elf Filmy Jizztrap blitzed star Beastman Khorne the Sheep into the crowd in a bold turn 1 move. Unable to forge a way through a tight backline, the game became very tactical with one side probing and the other clenching in the back end to block an easy route through. In turn 5, SPANC thrower Dildo Shaggins was almost sacked by Harold Sheepman, dodged him, but then fumbled a pass in his own half.
Creepy Kevin recovered the ball for Spartak only to get a bashing from Fishy Flaps. Vaginia Wide was only able to retain the ball for a moment for SPANC before getting the horns from Spartak's Gor Blimey. Creepy Kevin recovered to scoop up the football and run in the opening TD.
Turn 7 and SPANC played a card that allowed a free turn for each side, although after each player activation a 2+ had to be rolled to activate the next player. Grr, that gave SPANC enough time to equalise and they went for it, but only a single player was activated. Mangrowth Parks, with Block, Dodge and MA 8, got down one side and pushed back Billy Bellend. In striking distance of the end zone (only 6 squares away), Billy Bellend gored the slack Dark Elf bitch and stunned her. Half time, 1-0 up, two Dark Elves injured.
A great kick from SPANC put the ball on the sideline just a square away from the halfway line. Despite comedy attempts to pick up the ball from Spartak, the Dark Elves were unable to capitalise and Creepy Kevin got hold of it. Then the relentless roll forward began, with Beastmen covering approaches to the ball carrier and SPANC daring frantic attempts to get at the ball. A desparate blitz by Mangrowth Parks saw a chance to get the ball but he got skulls (how we laughed). 2-0 and the opposition down to 8 players with just 4 turns left.
A good kick by Spartak and the impenetrable defensive formation that worked so well in the first half stifled the Dark Elves again as Ikkl Pickle and Harold Sheepman took out two more Dark Elves. Skipper Vercengoaterix took out ball-carrier Creamy Muff but a fumbled catch by Jonny Spunkmonk restricted Spartak to a 2-0 win.
The Firestorm United Conference cup in the bag, Spartak's next match is in the semi-final of the Welsh Amateur Nuffle Championship Semi-Final against the same team, SPANC. With two of their stars returning from injury, and only Jane Fonda-Cox out with a gnawed leg, the Dark Elf team should have a better chance this time around. The winner will play Chewie's Raging Ass Pirates (Norse) who beat Thin Lizzies 2-1 in the other semi-final.
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